Click image to read interview:

sneak peak

Very rough sketches for one of the pages of the artists book that I'm working on:

Self-Portrait in Progress, Pt. 4

I'm finishing up for today.

My smile started out becoming strong and then by the end of the day, diminished:



I'll start over again another time.

I liked how my skin and smile was before I screwed it up.

As for now, putting the self-portrait away.

To be continued...

Self-Portrait in Progress, Pt. 3.

24 1/2 hours later:

Taking a break now.

To be continued...

Self-Portrait in Progress, Pt. 2.

I picked up my self-portrait from Allison's house that I started at her Art Party from a few weeks ago. (Click HERE to see how it started out.)

I started painting over it with acrylic paint.

I'll keep on working on it and hope to finish it in these next couple of days.

But so far:



To be continued...

Art Spiegelman's "Maus I: A Survivor's Tale, My Father Bleeds History" and "Maus II: And Here My Troubles Began"

Finally read Art Spiegelman's Maus. Still completely speechless after reading it. Still having intense dreams since reading it.

I xeroxed these particular pages and am now pinning it to the walls of my office:

[click for larger image]

Excerpt from C.S Lewis, "The Four Loves"

Meditating on artists book project I am working on:

"To love at all is to be vulnerable. Love anything, and your heart will certainly be wrung and possibly be broken. If you want to make sure of keeping it intact, you must give your heart to no one, not even to an animal. Wrap it carefully round with hobbies and little luxuries; avoid all entanglements; lock it up safe in the casket or coffin of your selfishness. But in that casket—safe, dark, motionless, airless—it will change. It will not be broken; it will become unbreakable, impenetrable, irredeemable. The alternative to tragedy, or at least to the risk of tragedy, is damnation. The only place outside Heaven where you can be perfectly safe from all the dangers and perturbations of love is Hell."

~ C.S Lewis, "The Four Loves"

____________________________________________________

My plan is to continue to work on this artist book and have it finished before the end of Valentine's Day; Have it up and uploaded on Geli Girl Notes by Monday.

We will see.

Artist Trading Cards

Here's another work in progress:

This time, artist trading cards. I've been meaning to do these for a while... so when my friend Cristalynn asked me if I wanted to get together to do something creative, I said yes. We decided to meet in a coffeeshop and work on artist trading cards.

In the last year I've been planning to do a drawing or painting series based on waiting rooms at the doctor's office. Because of my lupus, I have spent the last nine years, both in Chicago and in Michigan being a patient. There is a mix of bored-ness, anxiety, impatience, sadness, interesting conversations and so on and so forth that take places in these waiting rooms.

So I've decided to do this series with artist trading cards, since having lupus is a huge part of who I am in life.

Also, still experimenting with watercolor pencils and pen in this project. Very fun.

Who wants to trade when I'm finished?

Work-In-Progress

Last night I finished the prep work in making the book covers and pages for my artists book. Also took some reference pictures for the illustrations I will be creating on the pages.

Everything Tying Into One Another, Unexpectedly...

Strange. I was talking on the phone earlier to one of my best friends about how lately all these random things that have been going on with me, in different parts of my life, seem to be intersecting and interweaving with one another. (I'm not sure if those were the exact words I said, but that was the sentiment.) In regards to my art work, my latest art project [read the last post], visiting my high school art teacher last week, my memoirs class, the books I've been reading, the people that I've been coming across in my life lately, the conversations I've been having, a boy who I've been thinking much about, the e-mail I received from Mako two days ago, and the IAM conference occurring next month in NYC that I will be going to... I can't explain here, but in these last two or three weeks all these different parts of my life has been flowing together and tying into one another. In all these strange, mysterious, unexpected ways... they all seem to be pointing to something or somewhere that I cannot firmly grasp, but am excited and eager to follow this "thing's" lead.

Even just a few minutes ago...

I'm mulling over these interview questions from an arts writer who is doing a blog about me. One of the questions being "Who has influenced you the most as an artist?" I am getting into reflective mode as I ponder over his questions.; thinking back of when things really started changing for me and in my artwork. There is one person in particular who I am thinking of, who challenged me and questioned me and made me believe in a world full of possibilities... This had me looking at all these e-mails and letters from him that are almost ten years old. I found this from him, which was written four years ago:

"I wrote you a letter a few weeks ago and didn't mail it. No reason why I didn't... just didn't happen.

Lots of stuff isn't happening in my world right now. I feel like an emotional robot; or rather an UNemotional robot. Nothing new for me, I guess. I am starting to think that this is my natural state for the rest of my life... numbness and apathy and disillusion.

I want to be blown away by something... something to make me FEEL something.

I've ben stumbling through a couple short term, mostly solely physical relationships. they, of course, leave a big void where LOVE should (could) be... could it? Am I capable of love?

Loneliness isn't being alone. It's being unable to love some one back who truly cares about you. This has happened to me a few times now... Can this change?

I wish I were able to be more swept away by love and emotion. Our relationship was in many ways so incredible. We were in synch in lots of places, but I always have these walls of void that go up.

In so many ways, my life is really amazing. I just wish I could be amazed by some of it, once in a while."

The reason why I am posting this--and I hope he doesn't read this and hates me for doing so, we haven't really seen or talked to each other in years--in these last few days, I've been touching on this topic of love in different parts of my life, in conversations and so on... and now it's almost 2 in the morning and I find that e-mail.

I've been thinking a lot recently about why I do art and how I just want to create artwork that speaks to the soul, makes you feel... makes you question. Makes you have hope.

And I just found it absolutely fitting to have found this e-mail right now, from someone who had a major influence on me long ago... who taught me these things; and yet is searching to feel emotion, but does not feel capable of love....

Now years later, I wonder if he still feels this same way. And if he knows that meeting him and the way he has impacted my life has also influenced the way I care and love for people; because the way he loved me. (How can he not feel capable?) I wonder if he knows that his pointing out hope to me, seems to have spread... to greater lengths than he might not know. He has these lyrics from a song he wrote: "To teach one to look up, who teaches another to look up, who teaches another to look up."

Does he know, that that is exactly what he did?

It's getting late, now. I hope this blog post makes sense.

[Note: Also, just realized after reading this post, in regards to his e-mail stating: "It's being unable to love some one back who truly cares about you." I was also a few hours ago, re-reading Mako's essays. (Mako is also a major influence on my art) In particular "River Grace" in where he writes "We can only love if we are shown love." (Are you getting now how this is all freaking me out because everything has been relating to each other lately?) Also, of course this current art project I am working on--a meditation on George Herbert's "Love"--is about this very thing.... "Love bade me welcome, yet my soul drew back..."]

Why does inspiration have to strike so late at night? It's past 4 a.m. now and I forced myself to make sleepy time herbal tea. I was getting ready for bed and then just a little after midnight an idea struck that I can't stop thinking about it. A new piece is weighing heavily on my mind and I started sketching it out quickly. It makes me not want to go to my memoirs writing class on Tuesday, makes me want to skip going to physical therapy this week, makes me put down books that I've been reading, makes me put aside my comic for a while... These past few days I've already lost track of facebook feeds and twitter feeds and blog feeds, e-mails, and so forth because working on different kinds of things and trying to leave the house as much as possible... but now. I just want to lock myself in my room and not come out until it's finished. This is an unexpected piece. Probably the best kind. I've laid out the piece in my notebook, thumbnail sketches and all. I want to make a final draft before proceeding... I've even brought out all the possible art supplies and materials I will be using for this.

I keep writing notes.

It's going to be a mixed media piece. An artist book. A mediation on Simone Weil's conversion and George Herbert's poem "Love." It's about being captivated, allured, drawn in, compelled.... vs. resisting and holding back. It's about fear. It's about my own struggles with the faith. It's about surrendering, being vulnerable, being drawn down to the knees.
It's about perfect love casting out fear.

I want to work on it now except that it's too late and I don't want to be tired during the day. But this piece is calling out to me. If I were to work this late, I would have to already be on the homestretch... on to completion.

I am going to sleep now. When I wake up for the day, the first thing I'm going to do is find my copy of Coltrane's "A Love Supreme" to listen to while I work on this.

Goals/Projects/Etc. in 2010

Currently working on:

• Memoirs Writing Class (Writing the story for issue #1 of "Geli Girl" later to be illustrated.)
• Putting together and laying out all the notes, sketches, etc. that I've been making for "Geli Girl" since 2005.
• Trying to learn, discover, re-fine illustration techniques for comic illustrations. (Trying to learn how to work bigger, shrink it down to size, scan and clean up on the computer... etc. In my last three comics I drew the originals on 8 1/2 by 11 watercolor paper. I then xeroxed those to make copies. I would then feed those copies into the xerox machine to make a booklet. Then end product is the comic.)

Goals/Projects/Etc.:

• Using my AmeriCorps Education Award for Summer or Fall Continuing Education Classes at College for Creative Studies. (Still contemplating whether to go for the Web Design/Graphic Design Dual Certificate or to take classes that will further enrich how to do graphic novel/comic book work.)
• Illustration project/collaboration with a singer/songwriter that will come out in September. It's a book of haunted stories! (Details TBA.)
• Still being discussed, but I might be illustrating a book of Armenian tall tales.
• Apply for Xeric Grant at the end of the year.
• Finish Geli Girl.
• Find a publisher.

Shows coming up:

• The Woods Gallery in Huntington Woods (Nov. 19-Dec. 28, 2010.)

Trying to find the means to afford:

• new, updated business cards
• new pens, brushes, and nibs (my old pen & nibs are worn out)
• new ink (b+w, colored)
• drawing paper for comics
• renew host for website in July

Self-Portrait 2010 in Progress.

After having not created a self-portrait since my freshman year as an undergrad in art school (1998), I picked up my drawing materials last summer and began the ritual of having to do a new self-portrait/s every year.

Recently, I was invited to Allison Graw's "Art Party" where every month other kindred souls got together in The Graws basement to do whatever your creative heart desires. Bring your own stuff to work on or use whatever supplies that are on hand at the art party (acrylic paints, papers, thrift store artwork to paint over, pieces of wood, etc.)

I decided that at these art parties I will do this year's self-portrait. I chose a picture with a frame from a thrift store to draw over.

I started sketching out with pen, and then crayons...

I am liking the background colors from the original picture on my drawing...but after an hour and a half, being hungry and now wanting my own art supplies (since I was using Allison's) called it quits for this session.

During next month's session I plan to continue working on this with arcylic paints. I need to paint over that little splotch over the nose... make it bold, create texture...

I'm looking forward to seeing how this will turn out.

Some of the work created at the art party, lined up:

On a side note, a girl named Sadie who is currently on a huge mimosa kick, brought a bottle of champagne to share. I am grateful for the mimosa and to meet this group of wonderful individuals.

Simone Weil on "Beauty" from "Gravity & Grace."

Every other year around this time I pick up my favorite book "Gravity & Grace" by Simone Weil to meditate on.

Excerpts that I have been reflecting on from her essay "Beauty":

"Beauty captivates the flesh in order to obtain permission to pass right to the soul."

"A work of art has an author and yet, when it is perfect, it has something which is essentially anonymous about it. It imiates the anonymity of divine art. In the same way the beauty of the world proves there to be a God who is personal and impersonal at the same time, and is neither the one nor the other seperately.

The beautiful is a carnal attraction which keeps us at a distance and implies a renunciation. This includes the renunciation of what which is most deep-seated, the imagination. We want to eat all the other objects of desire. The beautiful is that which we desire without wishing to eat it. We desire that it should be.

We have to remain quite still and unite ourselves with that which we desire yet do not approach.

We unite ourselves to God in this way: We cannot approach him.

Distance is the soul of the beautiful.

Beauty is a fruit which we look at without trying to seize it.

The same with an affliction which we contemplate without drawing back.

A double movement of descent: to do again, out of love, what gravity does. Is not the double movement of descent the key to all art?*

This movement of descent, the mirror of grace, is the essence of all music. All the rest only serves to enshrine it.

The rising of the notes is a purely sensorial rising. The descent is at the same time a sensorial descent and a spiritual rising. Here we have the paradise which every being longs for: where the slope of nature makes us rise toward the good."

[*Descendit ad inferos....So, in another order, great art redeems gravity by espousing it out of love (Editor's note).]

Corkboard Notes (Inspiration, Encouragement, & Influences) PART 2

In continuation from my "corkboard post" last February... additions to the corkboards:

[click for larger view]

1. Ingrid's card for my 30th birthday.
2. Art Detroit Now's area gallery map & guide. Now living here for a little over a year now, it's time to see what's out there for me.
3. Program from David Kovac's "Fooling Buddha." David is both one of my favorite performers and people to talk to. I never walk away from him without feeling encouraged and inspired. Our mutual friend, Sandy had sent me a Christmas package with this program added to it. Inside is a personal note from David to me:
   
   
   
   
4. A notecard from Cristalynn. I haven't seen Cristalynn in over ten years. She and I went took art classes together in high school and in an impromptu reunion re-connected and discovered that we are leading parallel lives; being in transition living back with our families after being independent for 10 years, turning 30, and coping with the autoimmune disease lupus.
5. Again, my favorite picture of Lynda Barry working at her table.
6. An illustration that my friend Lisa drew of me drawing.
7. Ingrid's Christmas card featuring her cats (grrr...) and Kingston. (Grr... was in reaction that I don't like cats much, but I keep this card up, because Kingston cares for me.)
8. Jack Lipman. The first baby born of my close group of friends from high school.
9. A list of restaurants that my rheumatologist "prescribed" to me. Actually most of our conversations (after finishing up medical stuff) revolve around food and art. I find it amusing that he is also a foodie and started jotting down all these restaurants I have to try in the metro Detroit area.
10. The Night Move schedule. Good if you want to get crunk barhopping in Ferndale, Royal Oak, and Detroit. (Now that I no longer live in Chicago with all it's public transit and cabs; You shouldn't be driving drunk, Missy.)
11. Card my sister gave to me for my 30th birthday, created by artist, Ida Pearle. Beautiful.
12. Card created by Dawn Wheat that my friend Cathy sent me. Both close and dear friends of mine.
13. Card that my friend Roman designed and gave to me at my art reception last July.
14. Personal autograph from Food Network star and fellow foodie, Sunny Anderson. (Because I'm a Food Network geek.)

Another work-in-progress:

Penelope's process/medium/info.

Trying to challenge myself with watercolor pencils. It's strange. When I draw I like to draw at a more smaller scale. But when I paint, I need more movement. I want to paint on a bigger surface/canvas. I need to freedom of movement when I paint.

So this is new, to sort of combine the two. Still feeling it out and seeing how I like (or dislike) this medium.

Notes to Self: Tuesday, 03 November 09

I don't work in color as much as I used to, so it's taking a lot of time really getting used to it. It still feels natural, but I can feel myself rushing too much. I'm used to illustrating in black and white, and because I do it in such a sketchy style, because of the energy I feel when I draw, I find myself being too impatient with working in color again.

I'm trying to do these new pieces in one week. So, I'm not giving each piece the time it deserves; the focus and attention and thought it needs. But also, knowing my ways, I'm sure it will come out fine. But I know for future work, color needs more patience from me. It really needs to be lived out like my black and white stuff; but in a different way.

I added some colored pencils, went over it with more white ink and black ballpoint pen. I'm still not satisfied. Don't think it's one of my favorites. I guess I will give it a rest, work on another piece and come back to this one later this week. I can't quite figure out what's bugging me about this and why I can't turn it around to make it work for me.