"Love Bade Me Welcome: Yet My Soul Drew Back..."

Just to refresh the memories of those who may be reading this:

February 1, 2010
February 4, 2010
February 18, 2010

A couple of months ago, I thought about picking this project up again, after my friend Dawn told me about "Art For God's Sake" this January.

Flowers from my backyard, that I picked in June of 2010; pressed them until I was ready to use them for this project.




Playing now with silver leaf, copper leaf, acrylic paint, vellum, watercolor pencil, ink, flower petals, and charcoal.





I got into the show after working on the book 2 months ago and submitting the .jpegs of some of the completed pages and the finished book covers:







I have to turn in the artist book tomorrow, so I've been working on this for the last few days...



The last few touches...





Finished!


Now, I'm waiting for all my pages to dry before putting it together with the book covers. For the most part. The book, after fifteen months, is FINISHED!

Pages drying:



*I'll post images of all the pages, once dry, depending if I'm tired or not tomorrow morning and if I have time to scan them all in before heading to drop off the artwork and then work; Otherwise, I will have to wait next week when the art show is over to share.

SOME OTHER STUFF:

• The "Art For God's Sake" show is this Friday. The Friday event is a lil' fancy formal gala opening with a wine tasting and hors d'oeuvres. ($75.00 to get in! Although artists get in for free.)
• Got my business cards today. They look great.
• Still working on updating and re-writing my artists statement and artists resume.
• Picking up this again and working on it this week. Yet another project I started last year:

BRAINSTORMING NOTES FOR MY CURRENT ARTIST STATEMENT

This is NOT my artist statement

(Here's a link to my old one from ten years ago and when I used to work with SOUND. Trying to also see if the sentiments of my artwork working with the medium of sound is the same when I create with the medium of pen and ink and paint.)

But rather the (PROBABLY-ONLY-MAKES-SENSE-TO-ME/especially because this is mostly a transcript of my handwritten notes that I typed into Notepad, which the format did not transfer into blogspot) notes during my very productive brainstorming session for my current artist statement:

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Memoir portraits reflections snapshots loosely based journal entries autobiography

(Joel said something along the lines of:)
"Each line could tell a 1,000 stories..."
"Each line tells a thousand stories..."

(A picture is worth a thousand words)

I create... ...memoir portraits,...

My pieces are...

breathing life. living. alive. capturing the spirit of...moment in time.

as viewer, listener... observing, paying attention to (details), focusing on--audience.

captures: a place/space, people, --in time.


lines, paint, draw, brush, illustrate...

i document/capture....through :"memoir portraits."

--loosely, based off of, pieces of journal entries and photographs and [collective] memory.

painter/illustrator/artist/storyteller/archivist

observe taking everything in ...the motions, the movements... music... taking in the energy in the room.



pen and ink. paintings. sound. moving stills. "capture moment of time"


EMILY TOLD ME: I "sculpt drawings" that I, "draw like a sculptor"

personal observation. portray. recording. re-telling

from illustrations-----------------> comic story
sequential drawing
"movement by movement"
frame by frame

"MEMOIR PORTRAITS"

i find myself (comfortable) in the background/back-round --behind the scenes--backstage, wallflower, fly on the wall
observing, taking in, audience member
of the action. taking in energy. the lights, shapes, shadows, movements, smiles, sound of glass, cash register, conversations loudly over live music
music.... dancing.........one single scene. snapshot. still
that captures.documents. that moment of time. "innocent bystander?"
QUIET ON-LOOKER? ---------> CHARGED with emotion, energy, feeling....
ENERGY transformed
ENERGY transferred into pen and ink... paint... RUSH (and flow) into the hands... re-lived into one (memoir) portrait. time,place, things

A collection of a daily.loosely based off of journal entries. Each line tells a thousand stories. [Only those in the room could piece together those stories.)
A collection of images -------> begin to form---> into story.

Re-creating the story, event, what happened?
in my own ("words"/language/way of communicating for myself unto others) by paint strokes, pen lines
(Clearly) Re-TELLING my own story, THE STORY with "MY SMALL VOICE." [using paint brush and pen]

DOCUMENT. "small, simple, every day--take for granted" things--the viewer relates to the picture. Document (awe and wonder) looking at these "daily" things in another way, that could give more meaning... different perspective...(through artists eye)

"Dancing Again"
"Morning Star" Issues #1-3
urban
bar. restaurants. bbq. street. waiting for cab.
open mic. city life. music. beats. rhythm.
comedy. music. dancing. luna.
street. buses. L trains.
driving. eastern market. belle isle
emily in belle isle. dan driving to eastern market on a rainy day. adam at the bronx bar.
open mics, dance clubs on a thursday
quiet dinner. back alleys at bar closing time
journals. comics. stories.
balcony. the way light the hits [bodies...]

--------ROBERT writes: "Artistic expression is inescapably linked with the character of an artist - and the elements that shaped that character are as discernible as the colors or the brushstrokes on the canvas . In the case of Angel Busque, however, there is an additional subtlety behind the lines and hues. The biographical odyssey recorded in her graphic works (remarkably candid ones, we hasten to add) is a radiant voyage with specific feelings and emotions perceived as variations from panel to panel. Likening such a sequence of visuals to music is a cliche, but just as a symphony has "movements", the pictures rendered by this particular woman have "moments" that the empathetic viewer/reader cannot help but feel."-----------


-----Marianne once wrote: "Angel Busque's works are in a class all their own. Her sketches of bar scenes, nightlife,
balconies and fast food joints are something you would expect to see next to the writings of Bukowski in a journal,
emphasizing the seediness and beauty of Americana in the creative lower class."------------------------

What is experienced? Can form one picture ----> into many ---> into story.
one line...
bursting to be told... given life.... given form... direction.

Lost. Quiet thoughts.
As one who (normally) "stands back" as viewer, observer.... audience. background -------> taking in.
.
.
.
.transferring too....
illustration----->into----------> STORIES: collected images, seconds/time/frame by frame

..............(telling)/novel/graphic novel/comic

FOCUSED . RECEIVE. BY LISTENING. ----LISTENER. I participate (in life, by listening, observing/then communicate) by transforming these moments in time into pieces of artwork.
[I pay attention to: the event: the experience.]

I DOCUMENT: stories, events, things, people, "Take photo of": emotion. energy through lines. storytelling---> through images, portraits-->BECOME MEMOIR/AUTOBIOGRAPHICAL

.....document my life. through paintings.

EDITING-->Sound. Video.

UNREVEALED
REVEAL.



In my pieces.. I begin by....
(Interacting quietly--->observing) participate as an audience member.

...these collection of images, memories..... form stories.... putting together... format... sequential.
Time based art. 4-D. "Time Design."
"Trained eye/ear" through video and sound editing. watching out for "shots" [to edit]--transform this into line drawing/painting.---> movement
light glows at night. loneliness. streets.
(viewer can relate. to fave spots. lafayette coney island. Gus. Salty Dog. Eastern Market. Kristy waiting for a cab after a night of drinking, my favorite greasy spoon: the broadway grill on broadway and lawrence in uptown-Chicago, IL, --Budacki's Hot Dogs and fries that greases a brown paper bag....Riding my bike/Zooming down Ravenswood Ave., Winnemac Park...Etc.)


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Also, I am looking for a way to officially coin the phrase "memoir portraits."

Keep the Solitude, Good, Strong Coffee, Music, Comedy, Art, Drinks, & Food Flowing & I'll Do Just Fine.

Realistic goals/things I need get done in April:

• Finish my artists book for the"Art for God's Sake" exhibit.

• Write a completely new artists statement (which I haven't done since 2001, when I was in the sound dept.) A new project prompted the need to write an entirely new artist statement; I've realize how much has changed/grown in my 2-d artwork in the last ten years & I need to reflect about what my artwork is about. Many, many people ask: "What kind of artwork do you do?" "What is your artwork about" when they find out that I'm an artist. I always stumble with my words, when I do know, but don't know how to explain it. You can't just say, it is what it is... I think that's bull. That and "the artwork will explain itself." I do think it's a good idea to get those thoughts on paper. I'll be honest though... I HATE writing artists statements. But it is a very, very good thing to do and I do believe every artist needs one. But I'll say it again... I HATE writing artists statements.... that being said. I need to stop being lazy and write one. It's a good thing to do.
  

• New business cards. I don't have anymore of my old ones. A lot of people keep asking me for one. (A good sign people really like my stuff and are interested; a bad sign that I'm not being professional enough and that I don't have one ready to hand out.) I need to get on this before May. (C'mon Busque it's only about $30.00 to make.)

• Update artists resume. Right now, mine is over one years old and much good stuff has happened since I updated it last.

After April:

• Continue working on "Geli Girl."

• Collaboration with Brian Potrafka.

• More watercolors pieces.

Other stuff:

• I need a wacom tablet and a more updated version of Photoshop (I have version 5.0) and memory on this laptop--really, I need a more updated laptop, this thing is oldddd...-- if I really want to complete "Geli Girl."

Fun stuff:

• Artist Statement Generator 2000

• Arty Bollocks Generator

In-Progress pages for "Geli Girl: Take Care To Fall", Issue #1

Each page is not yet completely finished-- a lot to be re-worked, but just sharing what I have so far of my latest graphic novel.

The first story in Issue #1 is 24 pages long. Here are the first four pages... [CLICK LINK]

What Can Art Do? By Lemn Sissay 2010

NOTES ON WRITING AND DRAWING

HOW TO STEAL LIKE AN ARTIST (AND 9 OTHER THINGS NOBODY TOLD ME)
by Austin Kleon

Inspiration On A Gloomy Saturday

New artwork...

Click image to view...

Geli Girl is BACK!!!

I am currently taking a Digital Illustration summer course at CCS using my AmeriCorps Education Award. For last week's homework, we were asked to create a 6x6 inch character sketch so we can play with the image while we continue to learn how to work with Illustrator and Photoshop.

For those who have been following my comics since 2001, you know of my alter ego, Geli Girl and might also be waiting for the first issue of "Geli Girl" to come out. I haven't drawn this character in six years and this is my first attempt of drawing Geli Girl with my current haircut... maybe I've even gained some weight over the last few years? Yes, yes I have.... But Geli Girl is still as bit of a strong-willed, loving, and humorous--maybe sometimes a bit snarky at times--character. I'm looking forward to how I'll be manipulating this image in class and how I will be able to use the tools learned to create issue #1 of this series. (I'll try my best to keep you updated on the different versions of this image on this blog if I can.)

Geli Girl's been through A LOT in the last six years (with surgeries, her lupus, fighting for disability, boys, drunken misadventures, death of a close friend, her moving to another town and feeling a bit lonely, and so on....) and hopefully has learned a thing or two in her experiences. Looking forward to sharing some of these stories...


OTHER PROJECTS CURRENTLY IN PROGRESS:

• Some self-portraits.
• A book I can't really talk about until it comes out in September (!)
• That DAM Box Show.
• A few new paintings that I will be showing at The Woods Gallery in November.

Click image to read interview:

sneak peak

Very rough sketches for one of the pages of the artists book that I'm working on:

Self-Portrait in Progress, Pt. 4

I'm finishing up for today.

My smile started out becoming strong and then by the end of the day, diminished:



I'll start over again another time.

I liked how my skin and smile was before I screwed it up.

As for now, putting the self-portrait away.

To be continued...

Self-Portrait in Progress, Pt. 3.

24 1/2 hours later:

Taking a break now.

To be continued...

Self-Portrait in Progress, Pt. 2.

I picked up my self-portrait from Allison's house that I started at her Art Party from a few weeks ago. (Click HERE to see how it started out.)

I started painting over it with acrylic paint.

I'll keep on working on it and hope to finish it in these next couple of days.

But so far:



To be continued...

Art Spiegelman's "Maus I: A Survivor's Tale, My Father Bleeds History" and "Maus II: And Here My Troubles Began"

Finally read Art Spiegelman's Maus. Still completely speechless after reading it. Still having intense dreams since reading it.

I xeroxed these particular pages and am now pinning it to the walls of my office:

[click for larger image]

Excerpt from C.S Lewis, "The Four Loves"

Meditating on artists book project I am working on:

"To love at all is to be vulnerable. Love anything, and your heart will certainly be wrung and possibly be broken. If you want to make sure of keeping it intact, you must give your heart to no one, not even to an animal. Wrap it carefully round with hobbies and little luxuries; avoid all entanglements; lock it up safe in the casket or coffin of your selfishness. But in that casket—safe, dark, motionless, airless—it will change. It will not be broken; it will become unbreakable, impenetrable, irredeemable. The alternative to tragedy, or at least to the risk of tragedy, is damnation. The only place outside Heaven where you can be perfectly safe from all the dangers and perturbations of love is Hell."

~ C.S Lewis, "The Four Loves"

____________________________________________________

My plan is to continue to work on this artist book and have it finished before the end of Valentine's Day; Have it up and uploaded on Geli Girl Notes by Monday.

We will see.

Artist Trading Cards

Here's another work in progress:

This time, artist trading cards. I've been meaning to do these for a while... so when my friend Cristalynn asked me if I wanted to get together to do something creative, I said yes. We decided to meet in a coffeeshop and work on artist trading cards.

In the last year I've been planning to do a drawing or painting series based on waiting rooms at the doctor's office. Because of my lupus, I have spent the last nine years, both in Chicago and in Michigan being a patient. There is a mix of bored-ness, anxiety, impatience, sadness, interesting conversations and so on and so forth that take places in these waiting rooms.

So I've decided to do this series with artist trading cards, since having lupus is a huge part of who I am in life.

Also, still experimenting with watercolor pencils and pen in this project. Very fun.

Who wants to trade when I'm finished?

Work-In-Progress

Last night I finished the prep work in making the book covers and pages for my artists book. Also took some reference pictures for the illustrations I will be creating on the pages.

Everything Tying Into One Another, Unexpectedly...

Strange. I was talking on the phone earlier to one of my best friends about how lately all these random things that have been going on with me, in different parts of my life, seem to be intersecting and interweaving with one another. (I'm not sure if those were the exact words I said, but that was the sentiment.) In regards to my art work, my latest art project [read the last post], visiting my high school art teacher last week, my memoirs class, the books I've been reading, the people that I've been coming across in my life lately, the conversations I've been having, a boy who I've been thinking much about, the e-mail I received from Mako two days ago, and the IAM conference occurring next month in NYC that I will be going to... I can't explain here, but in these last two or three weeks all these different parts of my life has been flowing together and tying into one another. In all these strange, mysterious, unexpected ways... they all seem to be pointing to something or somewhere that I cannot firmly grasp, but am excited and eager to follow this "thing's" lead.

Even just a few minutes ago...

I'm mulling over these interview questions from an arts writer who is doing a blog about me. One of the questions being "Who has influenced you the most as an artist?" I am getting into reflective mode as I ponder over his questions.; thinking back of when things really started changing for me and in my artwork. There is one person in particular who I am thinking of, who challenged me and questioned me and made me believe in a world full of possibilities... This had me looking at all these e-mails and letters from him that are almost ten years old. I found this from him, which was written four years ago:

"I wrote you a letter a few weeks ago and didn't mail it. No reason why I didn't... just didn't happen.

Lots of stuff isn't happening in my world right now. I feel like an emotional robot; or rather an UNemotional robot. Nothing new for me, I guess. I am starting to think that this is my natural state for the rest of my life... numbness and apathy and disillusion.

I want to be blown away by something... something to make me FEEL something.

I've ben stumbling through a couple short term, mostly solely physical relationships. they, of course, leave a big void where LOVE should (could) be... could it? Am I capable of love?

Loneliness isn't being alone. It's being unable to love some one back who truly cares about you. This has happened to me a few times now... Can this change?

I wish I were able to be more swept away by love and emotion. Our relationship was in many ways so incredible. We were in synch in lots of places, but I always have these walls of void that go up.

In so many ways, my life is really amazing. I just wish I could be amazed by some of it, once in a while."

The reason why I am posting this--and I hope he doesn't read this and hates me for doing so, we haven't really seen or talked to each other in years--in these last few days, I've been touching on this topic of love in different parts of my life, in conversations and so on... and now it's almost 2 in the morning and I find that e-mail.

I've been thinking a lot recently about why I do art and how I just want to create artwork that speaks to the soul, makes you feel... makes you question. Makes you have hope.

And I just found it absolutely fitting to have found this e-mail right now, from someone who had a major influence on me long ago... who taught me these things; and yet is searching to feel emotion, but does not feel capable of love....

Now years later, I wonder if he still feels this same way. And if he knows that meeting him and the way he has impacted my life has also influenced the way I care and love for people; because the way he loved me. (How can he not feel capable?) I wonder if he knows that his pointing out hope to me, seems to have spread... to greater lengths than he might not know. He has these lyrics from a song he wrote: "To teach one to look up, who teaches another to look up, who teaches another to look up."

Does he know, that that is exactly what he did?

It's getting late, now. I hope this blog post makes sense.

[Note: Also, just realized after reading this post, in regards to his e-mail stating: "It's being unable to love some one back who truly cares about you." I was also a few hours ago, re-reading Mako's essays. (Mako is also a major influence on my art) In particular "River Grace" in where he writes "We can only love if we are shown love." (Are you getting now how this is all freaking me out because everything has been relating to each other lately?) Also, of course this current art project I am working on--a meditation on George Herbert's "Love"--is about this very thing.... "Love bade me welcome, yet my soul drew back..."]